Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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