i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
