when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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