Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
