I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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