Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
