discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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