I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
