if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
