Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
