you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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