Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Watching her eat just hurts me
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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