Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
