Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
