I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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