this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
