I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
