Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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