There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
