I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
