i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
