It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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