there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
