First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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