she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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