our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
