what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
