I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
