matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
