I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
