I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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