i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
