I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
