A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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