you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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