I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
