I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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