If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
