community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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