Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
