That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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