The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
zippers are such a cool invention
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
