if you like me you must not know who I am
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
