You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
