Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
