I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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