she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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