Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
