Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
