Plan B is the new Plan A
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
