just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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